As we are coming up on Thanksgiving, it always strikes me that we’ve got it backwards. We set aside one day of the year to be thankful and the rest of the year we gripe and complain. Maybe we should reverse that and have a National Complaining Day for the airing of complaints and then be grateful the rest of the year. I’m kidding, but we really should be grateful more than we are. Every counselor at SoulCare counseling would agree with me that learning to become more thankful and having an attitude of gratitude contributes significantly to good mental health. An positive attitude of thankfulness battles anxiety and depression. It strengthens marriages and families. It’s just good medicine. It’s also God’s will. The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” But how? Here are three commitments you can make that will help you become more thankful:
become more thankful by giving thanks
in the Right Direction
To become more thankful, it’s important to send our gratitude where it belongs. Every time we are thankful, we have a choice where we can send that thanks:
we can direct our thanks inward
People tend to do that. They say, “I earned everything I have; it’s mine.” And they keep careful inventory of what is theirs. They’re like the lady in this poem:
THE COOKIE THIEF by Valerie Cox
A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,
That the man beside her, as bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,
Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.
She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock,
As the gutsy “cookie thief” diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, “If I wasn’t so nice, I’d blacken his eye!”
With each cookie she took, he took one too.
When only one was left, she wondered what he’d do.
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other.
She snatched it from him and thought, “Oh brother,
This guy has some nerve, and he’s also rude.
Why, he didn’t even show any gratitude!”
She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate,
Refusing to look back at the “thieving ingrate.”
She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,
Then sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise:
There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes!
“If mine are here,” she moaned with despair,
“Then the others were his and he tried to share!”
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!
What if what we have in our hand isn’t really ours after all? What if it actually comes from someone else that we didn’t take into account? Then we become ungrateful stinkers, don’t we? So, there’s another option.
We can direct our gratitude outward.
That’s what we do when we give thanks: we thank the people who’ve done things for us such as soldiers, doctors, police, farmers, flight attendants, table servers, employers, etc. We should be thankful to people when they help us. But it’s like being thankful to the plumbing for your water. Yes, be thankful for indoor plumbing! But follow the pipes and you’ll find a reservoir that the water came from. So, the third direction for our gratitude becomes clear.
We can direct our gratitude upward.
If we follow the good things in our lives all the way to the source, we’ll not only direct our gratitude outward to people, but upward to God. The Contemporary English Version of the Bible translates 1 Thessalonians 5:18 like this, “Whatever happens, keep thanking God because of Jesus Christ. This is what God wants you to do.” Keep thanking, who? God. Why? Because God uses people to bless you. Ultimately, it’s God behind every good thing in our lives. James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift comes from above, from the Father of lights.” So, this is a good time to make a commitment to look at the world differently. When you get a promotion or straight A’s or a clean bill of health, don’t say, “It’s because I’m sharp, I’m smart, I’m strong, so praise me.” And don’t say, “It’s because my boss likes me, my teacher is good, my doctor is skilled, so praise them.” Say, “God gave me the ability to succeed, and He gave me a good teacher and the intelligence to learn, and God blessed me with good health, so praise God from whom all blessings flow. This is a great habit to work on, one that will help you to become more thankful to people who help you along the way, but most importantly, to God from whom all blessings flow.
become more thankful by giving thanks
With The Right Determination
If we want to become more thankful, we need to understand that life isn’t always fair. We don’t get to choose our circumstances, but we do get to choose our response. When things happen that are upsetting, we have two choices:
We can respond with fear
by choosing to focus on our problems.
To hear some people talk, you’d think they have more problems than anyone else. Everything is bad, everything’s a problem. But the truth is, they don’t have more problems; they just focus on their problems more. Don’t get in that habit of focusing on your problems because all that does is make you anxious, depressed, negative, stressed out, and ungrateful.
we can respond with faith
by choosing to focus on God’s providence.
That’s what David did in Psalm 34:1 when he said, “I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” For many years of David’s life, King Saul hunted him and tried to kill him. Yet, David said, “I choose not to focus on the negative. I will bless the Lord and praise Him at all times, not just the good times, but even the bad ones.” Think about this: can you explain the reason for every good thing that happens to you? No, you can’t. but you accept those good things with gratitude, as part of God’s providential plan for your life. Well, if you accept the good things from God and you’re thankful for them, then you have to accept the hard things too. The book of Job in the Old Testament is sort of a textbook on suffering. Job suffered greatly, but in Job 2:10 he said, “If we accept blessings from God, we must accept trouble as well.” I think about the two men being chased by a bull and it became obvious that they weren’t going to make it to the fence. So, one of the guys started praying the only prayer he knew, the one his father used to pray at the dinner table: “O Lord, for what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.”
Most people face tough times with an attitude,
but God says to face them with gratitude.
And the way to do that is to make a commitment right now that you’re going to choose to respond to everything that happens with faith, and focus on the providence of God, believing that He has a plan and purpose in everything. This will help you to do what the Bible says: “In everything give thanks.”
become more thankful by giving thanks
from The Right Devotion
Why should we give thanks to God, no matter what? Because, “This is God’s will for you through Christ Jesus.” It’s what God wants you to do. Why?
Gratitude is an act of devotion.
When you give thanks to God, no matter what, you’re saying, “God, I believe there are no accidents with You, so I choose to acknowledge Your activity in my life by thanking and praising You in this.” That’s an act of devotion, of worship, which is how you enter God’s presence, by the way. Psalm 100:4, “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and bless His name.” If you’re not already doing that, why not begin a habit of starting every day reading God’s Word and praying, telling Him “Thank You” for all the things in your life, good and bad. It makes such a difference in your day to do that!
griping is an act of denial.
If you gripe and complain and you’re negative all the time, do you know what you’re really doing? You’re denying God. Romans 14:23 says, “Everything that does not come from faith is sin.” Why? Because basically it’s saying, “God isn’t in control. He isn’t working for my good. My bad circumstances are bigger than God, so He’s not worthy of my worship.” And, whether you say that out loud or just have that attitude, the result is that you become bitter and your relationship with God gets distant, and you find it more and more difficult to be happy even when things go right because your outside of God’s will for your life. God says, “It’s My will for you to be grateful in everything through Christ Jesus.”
My friend, you have more to be grateful for than you know. But you become more thankful, not out of what you have, but from what you are. It comes from the inside out, not the outside in. If you’re struggling with depression, I encourage you to read more about depression treatment, and then reach out to us at SoulCare Counseling to help you overcome it and begin to develop those commitments I talked about here that will create a habit of thanksgiving in you.
Dr. Mark Riley is the co-owner and Executive Director of SoulCare Counseling. He also a retired pastor.