Ready or not, the holidays are upon us. From the first pumpkin appearing on the doorstep to the taking down of the Christmas lights, there is a flurry of activity surrounding a quick succession of big holidays that are all about gathering with family, festive decorations and food, and celebrations. For some, this is a welcomed, wonderful time of year. For others, not so much. Being with family and friends can either be energizing or draining, depending upon your situation. If you have had a good year and your relationships with family and friends are positive, this will be a time of sharing favorite memories and enjoying one another’s company. If you have lost a loved one this year, the holidays can intensify your grief, or if you have dysfunctional relationships in your family, the holidays can be a challenge. Whichever is the case, here are five strategies to de-stress the holidays.
de-stress the holidays
by keeping The Holiday A Holiday
I read another counselor’s blog that said, “This is a holiday, not an intervention.” That is so right! Whatever is not “holiday,” disengage from it and only engage in that which is “holiday.” This is not the time for venting, settling scores, telling people what you really think, or having it out. Save that for another day. In fact, save that for the counseling room where you can get some clarity and wisdom. Give yourself permission to be “on holiday” from the need to react and respond to every slight. When I was growing up, people used to say, “water off a duck’s back.” Change the subject or excuse yourself and move to someone else who is safe. If you feel negative emotions rising up, excuse yourself and retreat to a safe space like the bathroom, bedroom, closet, or car until the emotions calm down. If you need to, take a walk or make an excuse to leave early (unless, of course, you are the host). The day is a holiday, not an intervention. Keep that in focus and you will de-stress the holidays a great deal.
de-stress the holidays
by Taking A Vacation From Perfection
The holidays carry a huge pressure to be perfect. A few hours watching TV shows with holiday cooking and decorating themes can give the most talented cook and interior designer an inferiority complex. It is easy to wear yourself out making every detail of the day perfect, but there is nothing left in your gas tank to give the best you to your family and friends. Tell yourself that good enough is good enough. The purpose of the holidays isn’t the food, the decorations, or the gifts, it is the love that you share. Focus on relationships, not food that is eaten and digested, decorations that go back in the attic, wrappings that go in the trash, or gifts that are soon forgotten. It is the memories of our loved ones that lasts. It will significantly de-stress the holidays when you accept that perfection is not attainable, but good memories are.
de-stress the holidays
by Telling Yourself That It’s Okay To Say No
A good way to prepare for the holidays is to set your boundaries beforehand. What are you and are you not willing and able to do? You can’t do everything that everyone asks of you and you can’t attend every event and activity you’re invited to. People are really good at making plans for you. Maybe your sister wants to go Black Friday shopping and her plans include you watching her kids. Or your spouse’s work decided that all the employees will go Christmas caroling this year. Before anyone even asks, sit down with your spouse and decide what you are and are not okay with before you are put on the spot. Then, stick to your decision when the time comes. It may be hard to say no in the moment, but it will help you avoid resentment and burnout during the holidays.
de-stress the holidays
by Trying To Control What Is In Your Control
Holiday gatherings, by their very nature, are chaotic. Children will run and yell, the kitchen will have too many cooks, nosy aunts or uncles will pry, something will go wrong. One thing you can count on is that things will not go according to plan. So, decide right now that you are not going to focus on the things you cannot control like your brother-in-law spouting his crazy political views or your mother’s apple pie burning. Focus instead of what you can control. You can control your reaction and your response. Take a pause, breathe, leave the room if needed to gain composure, and probably, during that time, the conversation will have changed or the crisis will have solved itself. If not, you can say, “I prefer not to talk about that; can we focus on happy things today?” You can help your mother scrape the burnt parts of the crust away and remind her of something you burned when she was teaching you to cook.
de-stress the holidays
by reaching Out For Help If You Need It
There is nothing wrong with protecting your mental health during the holidays. Doing so is brave and wise. But it’s not always easy. That’s when a professional counselor can help. We are here to give you support, clarity, insight, and tools to cope with the emotions that can get stirred up during the holidays. It is not unusual for feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, or grief to arise during this time of year.
Also, if there is dysfunction in your family, this might be a good time to read more about family therapy. Then, reach out to us at SoulCare Counseling for a free thirty-minute consultation with one of our professional Christian counselors. We can help you navigate this season as well as all the seasons of your life.
Catrina Berkey is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate and Licensed Marriage and Family Associate under the supervision of Dr. Bernis Riley, LPC-S and Certified EFT Therapist, and Dr. Shaun Burrow, LMFT-S and LPC-S. Catrina is taking new clients.