One of my favorite authors is Brené Brown, who writes and speaks extensively on the subject of shame. In her book, Rising Strong, she deals with the issue of trauma. She says, “Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness, or even our ability, to be vulnerable.” That is a huge loss because without the ability to be vulnerable, it is impossible to live a happy, healthy life because we can’t connect in a healthy way with others. As a result, trauma survivors often go from one abusive relationship to another. Trauma truly is a robber.
robbed by trauma: A Relationship Wound
You may think of trauma as something that only war veterans or victims or rape or child abuse have. But they are not the only ones robbed by trauma. The fact is that the majority of Americans have experienced trauma of some kind. According to the National Council for Behavioral Health, a whopping 70% of adults in the US have experienced some type of traumatic event at least once in their lives. Trauma is caused by exposure to extreme one-time or long-term experiences in relationships. Excluding trauma from natural disasters, trauma is always caused in relationships. In relationships, there can be emotional neglect, physical neglect, mental abuse, sexual abuse, instability, lack of safety, separation, abandonment, or violence.
robbed by trauma: Trauma And The Brain
These experiences of being robbed by trauma rewire the brain, sometimes even causing brain damage. Trauma changes the brain from thinking that the world as good to thinking that the world is unsafe. You become unable to trust others. You have thoughts you can’t shut off. You can’t let go of memories or events. You’re unable to focus. You feel confused. You experience anxiety and fear. You have mood swings. You feel guilt and shame. You blame yourself. You withdraw and disconnect. You’re tired, unable to sleep or you sleep too much. You’re edgy and anxious or you’re numb.
When a person undergoes a trauma, they go into survival mode, which initially is good. But Michele Rosenthal, who wrote Heal Your PTSD and Your Life After Trauma, said “Survival mode is supposed to be a phase that helps save your life. It is not meant to be how you live.”
Relationship Wound…Relationship Therapy
The good news is that, because trauma is almost always related to a relationship wound, Emotionally Focused Therapy has proven a very effective model for resolving the effects of trauma. You can have a more fulfilling life, healthy relationships, more restful sleep, less fatigue, stable moods, less fatigue, and more joy in life.
If you are struggling with trauma, let us help you have the life you want and deserve. I encourage you to read about trauma therapy, and take the first step toward getting back what trauma has robbed by reaching out to us to schedule a free thirty-minute consultation.
Dr. Bernis Riley holds a Doctor of Psychology degree, is a Licensed Professional Counselor – Supervisor, and is certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy. She is the Clinical Director/Supervisor at SoulCare Counseling.