Maybe you have realized by now that there are many therapy models used by professional counselors. Every model is based on what is believed to be the answer to the question, “Why do we behave the way we do, and how can we change?” All therapy models have an answer to that question, but some have better answers than others; and none has a better answer than Emotionally Focused Therapy. Therefore, EFT is more effective than any other therapy model. With Emotionally Focused Therapy, people actually do change.
EFT works with all genders, all races, all ages. It works with couples, individuals, and families. It works for people with trauma, depression, anxiety, and any other distress. There is no other therapy model with as much scientific proof behind it. I’ve seen it work again and again. That’s the reason SoulCare Counseling practices Emotionally Focused Therapy exclusively. But why does EFT work?
why emotionally focused therapy works:
Meet John Bowlby
To answer why Emotionally Focused Theory works, we go back to the 1930’s and a British psychologist named John Bowlby. He pioneered what is today called Attachment Theory, the key theory upon which Emotionally Focused Therapy is based. At that time, the prevailing belief about human attachment was that it is a learned behavior based on the mother-infant feeding relationship; because mother feeds baby, baby becomes attached to mother. However, Bowlby noticed that when babies were separated from their mothers in the hospital, the anxiety and distress they experienced wasn’t calmed and the baby regulated again by being fed. Instead, he observed that frightened, distressed children sought out their mother, not for food but for comfort and care. He proposed that attachment is not about nourishment, but nurture.
why emotionally Focused therapy works:
Meet John Harlow
In the 1950’s, a psychologist named Harry Harlow also believed that the mother-child attachment is the result of nurture, not nourishment. He did experiments with baby monkeys separated from their mothers. Some were given “mothers” made of wire and wood with a bottle of milk. Others were given “mothers” with no bottle but wrapped in soft terry cloth. When a distressing situation was introduced into the room, the monkeys with cloth mothers without food rushed to them, hid their faces in the cloth and relaxed. The monkeys with wire mothers with food, trembled in fear against the wall. Harlow’s conclusion was that the mother-child relationship is not about food, but about comfort.
why emotionally focused therapy works:
Meet Mary Ainsworth
In the 1970’s, a psychologist named Mary Ainsworth created a study she named “The Strange Situation.” Babies from 12 to 18 months were separated and then reunited with their mothers. Observing the responses of the babies, Ainsworth categorized three main styles of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant. A fourth was later added: disorganized. Read by blog “How Does Your Attachment Style Impact Your Relationship?” for more on this. Subsequent studies since then have borne out Ainsworth’s attachment styles and have shown that attachment styles affect human behavior throughout life.
Why Does Emotionally Focused Therapy Work?
How does all of this research tell us why Emotionally Focused therapy works? Because these and many, many other studies over the decades prove that human beings are created for connection and seek it above all else. This comes as no surprise to Jews and Christians who would point to the first book of the Bible when God created man and said, “It is not good that man should be alone,” and so He created a mate. The need to attach to a significant other person is literally wired into us since creation. And when that attachment need is disrupted, threatened, or wounded, it causes distress which we will seek to comfort based on the attachment style we got from our relationship with our primary caregiver, normally a parent. People who had a secure attachment with their parent will take the distress in stride and remain secure in the relationship. People who had a distant parent will become anxious and stridently seek to force the other person to reconnect (which never works). People who had an overbearing parent will become distant and withdrawn. People who were abused or experienced trauma will do both.
Emotionally Focused Therapy helps individuals, couples, and families identify their attachment style and the attachment needs that drive them into a negative cycle of conflict where one anxiously attacks and the other avoidantly withdraws. The primary emotions that fuel this cycle are brought out and regulated in a safe, secure environment where their needs can be truly received by a compassionate therapist (for individuals), their partner (for couples), or their family (in family therapy). When that happens, the primal need for attachment with a safe, secure, nurturing other is met and, with that attachment “armor” in place, they are enabled to face whatever threats the world has.
If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, or trauma. If you are an individual, a couple, or a family in distress. If you have tried counseling with other therapy models but have gotten nowhere, I urge you to try the gold standard of therapy models, the one that is based on the way we are wired as human beings, the one that works. I encourage you to read about Emotionally Focused Therapy, and then reach out to us at SoulCare Counseling. Aren’t you ready to repair and reconnect and find the secure, safe, comforting, enabling attachment that you were created for and have been looking for?
Dr. Bernis Riley holds a Doctor of Psychology degree, is a Licensed Professional Counselor – Supervisor, and is certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy. She is the Clinical Director/Supervisor at SoulCare Counseling, and is currently accepting new clients.