The average person thinks of trauma as a highly stressful and/or painful experience that leaves the one who went through it damaged in their mind and emotions. In other words, if you discover a dead body, you will be traumatized mentally and emotionally and need treatment. Actually, it’s not that simple. While it’s true that anyone who, for example, sees their parents murdered in front of them will have a trauma to deal with, everyone who encounters a dead body won’t necessarily be traumatized by it. What is it that makes an experience a trauma? How does trauma affect a person? And, most importantly, how can trauma be treated?
Understanding trauma as a response
Understanding trauma begins with knowing what trauma is. Most people think they know, but do they really? According to the American Psychological Association, psychological trauma is “an emotional response to a terrible event.” The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration defines trauma as “damage to a person's mind as a result of one or more events that cause overwhelming amounts of stress that exceed the person's ability to cope or integrate the emotions involved, eventually leading to serious, long-term negative consequences.”
Notice that psychological trauma is not based on the event the person experienced, but on their ability to cope with the event. Let me repeat: it is not the event that causes the trauma, but the person’s response to the event. There are certain events, such as surviving an airplane crash or growing up in an abusive home, that virtually all people would respond to in the same way, with overwhelming stress because negative experiences on that scale are beyond any normal person’s ability to cope. But there are other negative experiences, such as finding a dead body, which a school-age child would respond to with trauma, but a policeman or mortician would not. That’s because people’s ability to cope with distressing experiences is different based on the tools that their age, sex, culture, knowledge, experience, personality, etc. have given them.
Understanding Trauma as being about Safety
How do we reconcile the difference in people’s responses to traumatic situations so that they respond the way they do? By understanding trauma in terms of the messages the brain gives people about safety. Our brains are always seeking safety. If something feels unsafe, our brains instantly send the “fight, flight, or freeze” signal. But if we perceive that there is no threat and we feel that we are safe, we respond with calm and experience no trauma.
For example, a third grader’s family is relocated by the father’s job from the family home to Brazil. All that is safe is ripped away and replaced with a completely foreign culture, language, people, school, etc. A third grader’s brain (even some adult’s brains) would be unprepared to cope with that loss of safety and would respond with a heightened state of stress, resulting in trauma. But a child in a military family would experience little to no trauma over just another move to a new base because his or her brain doesn’t perceive it as unsafe.
So again, understanding trauma, not as an event but as the brain’s response to what it perceives as a threat to or loss of safety. Because of that, trauma is not a societal standard of what is suffering and what is not. It is personal and unique to the individual. Thus, there is no reason to be too embarrassed to talk about our trauma.
Understanding Trauma as Unconscious
Is it possible to have trauma and not even realize it? Could some of your behaviors be driven by traumas that you experienced along the way and have never dealt with? Yes. In fact, I would say that in an imperfect world with so many experiences that are threatening to our sense of safety and security, it would be surprising for any person to live to adulthood without experiencing some kind of trauma.
While extreme traumas are easily remembered and recognized as traumas, there are other traumas that are real but not consciously recognized as traumas, but their effects are there nonetheless. For example, the adult who, as a third grader, was moved to Brazil had a trauma response in childhood which has impacted his or her adult life, but it is most likely unconscious. He or she only realizes that in certain situations, some negative, puzzling behaviors pop out without warning or explanation.
understanding trauma’s affect
Understanding trauma’s affects on a person and this case of a forgotten childhood trauma suddenly appearing in adulthood without warning all relates to how our brains work. The brain is an amazing organ, but it is kind of lazy. In order to process all the information coming at it per second, the brain has developed an efficient-but-lazy system of storing information. The technical name for this system is “schema.” When something happens to us, instead of stopping and deciding what to do with this unique experience, the brain looks for similar experiences and instantly has us respond the same way. Once the brain has pre-designated a response, or “schema,” it now doesn’t have to take the time to decide what to do, it just does the same thing in every similar situation. That is very efficient, but lazy.
This means that if you felt unsafe in a certain distressing situation earlier in life, whatever you did in response, your brain filed that response away and every time you get in a similar situation, it immediately has you do the same thing. If you learned a certain habit, belief, or behavior that made you feel safe in some way, whether it was good or bad, your lazy brain has it stored and will send that response as a command to your body in any situation that fits the schema.
This brain response is so fast that it’s what we call unconscious. You literally do it without thinking. You don’t even know why you do it. You may not even remember or be consciously aware of the trauma that began this behavior, but you do it every single time in the blink of an eye. Maybe you shut down, go silent, hide, leave the situation. Maybe you explode with anger and shout and get scary. Maybe you criticize, complain, nag, and cling to the person who makes you feel unsafe, seeking to make them become safe. Maybe one moment you pull the person to you in an effort to draw them close for comfort and in the next moment you push them away because your brain is telling you that all people will hurt you.
understanding trauma’s treatment
The behaviors your brain has you doing don’t work. They never have. But you keep doing them because they are automatic; you do it without even thinking about it. because of your brain’s programming. The good news is, your brain can be reprogrammed. Emotionally Focused Therapy is able to rewire the brain. Your unconscious trauma can be healed and you can learn to find safety and security in your relationships. This comes from facing your trauma and learning to respond to the emotions of it in a new way.
As trained Emotionally Focused Therapy counselors, we can work with you and with your trauma and the emotions it brings up. We provide a safe environment to repair and reconnect in a healthy way. To get a greater understanding of trauma, I urge you to read more about trauma therapy and then reach out to us to schedule a free thirty-minute consultation and get you started on the road to healing.
Dr. Bernis Riley holds a Doctor of Psychology degree and is a Licensed Professional Counselor - Supervisor. She is also certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy. She is taking new clients.